How to Heal from Heartbreak: Releasing the Past and Closing Energetic Loops
- Natasha Burton
- Jun 24
- 5 min read
Heartbreak has a way of surprising us.
Sometimes we have rebuilt our lives, found new purpose, and know with absolute certainty that we do not want a former partner back. Then something happens. We hear they are dating someone new, see a photograph, or hear their name unexpectedly.
Suddenly, we find ourselves crying, unable to concentrate, or wondering why we are grieving a relationship we know was no longer right for us.
If this has happened to you, please know that you are not broken, weak, or moving backwards.
You are being invited to close another loop.
Healing Is Not Linear
One of the greatest misconceptions about healing is that it happens in a straight line.
Many people believe that once they have “moved on,” they should never experience pain again.
Yet grief moves in cycles and layers.
Often, we are not grieving the person themselves. We are grieving:
the future we imagined,
the family we hoped to create,
the years we invested,
the parts of ourselves we abandoned,
the love we never received,
or the pain we endured.
Every wave of grief carries information.
Each wave is another opportunity to witness, honour, and release.
The Neuroscience of Grief: Rewiring the Brain
Modern neuroscience offers a hopeful perspective on heartbreak.
Relationships create powerful neural pathways in the brain. We become accustomed to certain people, routines, emotions and attachments. When a relationship ends, the brain experiences a disruption to these familiar patterns.
This is one reason heartbreak can feel physically painful.
However, every time you experience a wave of grief without acting impulsively, your nervous system learns something important:
You are safe.
Every time you:
allow yourself to cry,
feel loneliness without reaching out impulsively,
experience sadness without abandoning yourself,
witness your emotions without becoming consumed by them,
your brain creates new neural pathways.
This process is known as neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to reorganise and form new connections throughout life.
Over time, the brain learns:
“I can survive this.”
“I am safe.”
“I do not need this person in order to be whole.”
The grief waves gradually become less intense, less frequent, and easier to move through.
Healing literally changes the brain.
The Ego and the Illusion of Loss
Dr. David R. Hawkins wrote extensively about surrender and the role of the ego in suffering.
The ego interprets separation as evidence that:
we have been replaced,
we have lost,
someone else has won,
we were not enough,
or that our happiness has been taken from us.
Yet when we sit quietly and honestly with ourselves, we may realise we are grieving something we did not truly want.
How many of us have found ourselves devastated by the loss of relationships that had already become painful, unsafe, or deeply misaligned?
The ego clings to familiarity, identity and attachment.
The soul seeks growth, truth and freedom.
As Hawkins teaches, suffering intensifies when we resist what is.
Healing begins when we surrender.
The Pain Body and Emotional Loops
Eckhart Tolle describes the “pain body” as accumulated emotional pain that periodically becomes activated.
A seemingly small event can awaken years of unresolved emotion.
Perhaps today’s grief is not solely about your former partner.
Perhaps it is touching:
childhood abandonment wounds,
fears of rejection,
feelings of unworthiness,
old trauma,
or fears of being alone.
When activated, the pain body seeks stories.
It wants to replay the past and convince us that we are unsafe.
The invitation is not to suppress the emotion.
The invitation is to witness it.
Can you lovingly observe your pain and say:
“I see you. I honour your pain. But you are not who I am.”
Returning to Presence
Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul, teaches that suffering often arises because we resist life as it unfolds.
We cling to people, identities, expectations and outcomes.
Singer asks us:
“What would happen if I simply allowed this feeling to pass through me?”
Emotions are energy in motion.
When we resist them, they remain trapped.
When we allow them, they move.
Crying is not weakness.
Grief is not failure.
Grief is love moving through the body.
How to Heal from Heartbreak - Tools to Support Healing
There is no single path through heartbreak. However, many people find these practices helpful:
Cord Cutting Ritual: Releasing Energetic Attachments
A cord-cutting ritual can be a powerful symbolic practice for releasing old emotional, energetic and karmic ties. It does not mean you stop loving someone. It simply means you are no longer willing to carry pain, attachment, resentment or unfinished energy that keeps you bound to the past.
Find a quiet space. Place one hand on your heart, take a few deep breaths, and imagine yourself surrounded by golden-white light.
Then say aloud:
Beloved Source, Infinite Creator, my Higher Self, my spirit guides, guardian angels and Archangel Michael,
I call upon you now to surround me in unconditional love, truth, healing and divine protection.
I ask that all energetic cords, attachments, vows, contracts, expectations, resentments, fears, trauma bonds and unhealthy connections between myself and [name] that are no longer serving the highest good of either soul now be lovingly identified and released.
Archangel Michael, with your sword of blue flame, please sever and dissolve all cords rooted in fear, pain, guilt, resentment, jealousy, obligation, control, attachment, suffering or limitation.
I now call all fragments of my energy back to me across all people, places, situations, timelines and dimensions, cleansed, purified and returned in perfect divine order.
I lovingly return all energy that does not belong to me back to its rightful source, cleansed and blessed with unconditional love.
I release [name] with love.
I forgive what I am able to forgive today.
I release the need to control, understand, fix, punish or carry this connection any longer.
May we both walk our highest paths in peace.
I am free.
They are free.
I am whole.
I am sovereign.
I am safe.
Thank you.
And so it is.
Afterwards, visualise all cords dissolving into light. See your heart becoming whole, radiant and peaceful. Take a few moments to breathe and call your energy fully back into your body.
Breathwork
Conscious breathing helps regulate the nervous system and signals safety to the body.
Simple techniques such as slow diaphragmatic breathing or box breathing can interrupt fight-or-flight responses and bring us back to the present moment.
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
EFT tapping combines acupressure points with mindful awareness and affirmations.
Many people find tapping useful for reducing emotional intensity, anxiety and rumination.
Prayer and Meditation
Prayer allows us to surrender our burdens to something greater than ourselves.
Meditation helps us witness our thoughts without becoming identified with them.
Journalling
Writing can reveal the hidden loops that still require closure.
Ask yourself:
What am I truly grieving?
What am I still seeking from this person?
What am I now ready to release?
Soul Contracts and Spiritual Growth
Both Dolores Cannon and Dr. Michael Newton explored the idea that relationships may serve as catalysts for soul growth.
Some relationships arrive to:
awaken us,
teach self-worth,
reveal unresolved trauma,
redirect our path,
or help us remember who we truly are.
Not all soul contracts are designed to last forever.
Sometimes heartbreak is not punishment.
Sometimes it is redirection.
Closing the Loop
Closure is not always something another person gives us.
Often closure is an act of self-love.
Closure is choosing:
“I no longer need this person to heal me.”
“I call all of my energy back to myself.”
“I release the past with love.”
Your story is not over.
Heartbreak may not be the end.
It may simply be the doorway back to yourself.
Comments